We have been learning to make our writing more interesting. To do this we have been re-crafting our writing. We used a describe map which helps plan our ideas in more detail. Our topic was Autumn.
Each time we used better adjectives. These are highlighted so we can see our writing get better. I also highlighted my favourite sentence in green. My favourite thing about writing like this is that we get to do heaps of writing.
Attempt 1: Autumn is a season. It is cold because winter is the next season. The leaves fall off the trees because they are dyeing. The sun comes up later because we have short days and longer nights. The leaves change colour because they are getting cold. People are getting sick because they are cold. Animals hibernate because it is getting cold.
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Attempt 2: Autumn is a bright season. It is starting to get icy cold because winter is the next wonderful season. The leaves fall off the spectacular trees because they are dyeing in the fresh air. The bright yellow sun comes up later because it is daylight savings. The leaves change to their beautiful colours because they are getting freezing cold. Some nice people are getting a shivering cold because they have not stayed nice and warm. Animals try to hibernate because it is getting icy cold.
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Attempt 3: Autumn is a colourful and bright season. It starts to get icy cold because winter is the next snowy season. The leaves fall off the spectacular spooky trees because they are dyeing in the fresh air. The bright, steaming yellow sun comes up later in the afternoon because it is daylight savings. The leaves change to their beautiful, bright colours because they are getting frosty. Some nice people are getting a shivering cold because they have not stayed nice and cozy. Animals try to hibernate in their caves because it is getting icy cold.
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Attempt 4: Autumn is a colourful and bright season. It starts to get icy cold because winter is the next snowy season. The leaves fall off the spectacular, spooky trees because they are dyeing in the fresh cold air. The bright steaming yellow sun comes up later because it is daylight savings which means evening daylight lasts an hour longer. The leaves change to their dark, soothing colours because they are getting frosty. Some nice and wonderful people are getting a shivering cold because they have not stayed nice and cozy. Animals try to hibernate in their comfortable caves because it is getting chilly.
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Attempt 5: Autumn is a colourful and bright but wonderful season. It starts to get as cold as a freezer because winter is the next snowy season. The leaves fall off the spectacular, spooky trees because they are dyeing in the fresh cold air. The bright, steaming yellow sun comes up later because it is daylight savings which means evening daylight lasts an hour longer. The leaves change to their dark, soothing colours because they are getting frosty. Some nice, wonderful people are getting a shivering cold because they have not stayed nice and cozy. Animals try to hibernate in their comfortable, sparkling caves because it is getting chilly.
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